


24 hours

by gotchick



Category: GOT7
Genre: Best Friends, Canon, High School AU, M/M, Roommates, Summer, angel au, domestic morning fluff, fly teaser road trip au, ghost jb, polyamory ot4, predebut trainee era, punk rock band au, tvb actor jackson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-07-29 20:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7697602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotchick/pseuds/gotchick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>glimpses into twenty-four possible lives jaebum and jackson could have led, in one day. (reincarnation fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is lovingly dedicated to my favourite and the cutest jackbum stans in the world, taegism, daria and crayyyonn, who always encouraged and inspired me to write more of this pairing. so this fic is not too confusing, i just wanted to explain that it's basically 24 unconnected drabbles in different verses, set at each hour of the day. i always wanted to write a reincarnation kind of fic for got7, because i love this concept, but never thought i would have so many feels for this pairing. unfortunately it got much longer than i expected, especially the angel one (which i'm still not done with yet so might reappear in another chapter), so i had to split this into 4 chapters. thank you so much to everyone who takes the time to read this, it means a lot to me :) also kudos if you spotted the ninja cameo of my inner jjp stan lol

**00:00**

His phone vibrates at exactly midnight, not one second before or after. It makes him jump, although he had been waiting. Gleefully and childishly excited in a way that doesn't become his twenty-one years, he opens the message with a flick of his thumb. But instead of his mother (who will be the second), his father (who will also be the second), his brother (who will be the last, but not least), or even Mark (who is snoring in the bed next to him, the incompetent best friend), or one of the hundreds of beautiful girls in his contact list (whose slightly flirtatious well-wishes will proceed to trickle in throughout the day) -- it's Jaebum.

Jaebum, his _hyung_. Jaebum, their leader. Jaebum, who is supposed to be sleeping a few rooms away, under the same roof -- but apparently is still as awake as him. Jaebum, who had made a big show of yawning and turning in earlier than usual for bed the night before without showing any indication that he remembered what day the next was. Jaebum, who makes him angry sometimes, but makes him smile and laugh many more. Jaebum, who is technically the same age as him but likes to act like he was older. Jaebum, whom he secretly doesn't mind calling _hyung_ because he likes being spoilt and taken care of. Jaebum who calls him _Jackson-ah_ with that lazy, affectionate smile. Jaebum who laughs at all his jokes, even when none of the other members do. Jaebum who cares for him like he's his very own little brother. Jaebum who patiently tutors him in Korean and smiles indulgently without rivalry when he outshines him. Jaebum who ruffles his hair as if he loves him even more than Nora. Jaebum who has a smile so outrageously adorable that it makes even guys' hearts skip a beat and a voice so deep you could fall into it and never find your way out. Jaebum who has the warmest, most gentle singing voice he's ever heard in his life. Jaebum, who pretends to be the strongest of the seven of them and never allows himself to cry.

Jaebum, who makes his heart ache sometimes for inexplicable reasons.

Jaebum who must have typed this message ahead of time and been waiting, counting down the minutes, seconds like him, determined to send it on the very first heartbeat of the day, to be the first person in the world to wish him a happy birthday.

Jaebum whose message is more emojis than words, but still makes him dash a rough arm across his eyes and breathe a shaky laugh with his gruff and awkward, _Jackson-ah, I didn't know whether to send this or not because I didn't want to wake you up if you're already asleep. But I really wanted to be the first person to wish you a very happy birthday. Am I? Kekeke just kidding. If you are, I hope you're having sweet dreams now and wake up late for once because you work too hard. Hyung will sing you a birthday song and give you a nice present tomorrow, look forward to it ;) I have so many things I want to tell you but don't know what to say... Ah... I'm shy~ I just hope you have a wonderful twenty-first year and rest more and become more handsome!! If you need any help, you know you can ask me any time, right? I know it's hard, being away from home... But don't worry, hyung will be beside you, taking care of you and being here for you, okay? I love you ^_^_

Just -- Jaebum. His Jaebum hyung, who Jackson only now realises as he hugs the phone to his chest, happy tears spilling from his closed eyes, is the one, out of all of these people, he wanted to receive his midnight birthday message from most.

 

**01:00**

The night is still young, not late enough for the lead singer of the punk-rock band that headlines every Thursday in this smoky, Gothic pub to start sounding hoarse and screamed-out yet; for his eyeliner to be smudged by sweat and his bangs to start being matted to his forehead and fall damply into his kohl-black eyes yet.

It's still hours away before Jackson is drunk enough for the strobe lights to start blurring before his eyes in a halogen mess; for him to start hallucinating that Im Jaebum is looking at him, eyes locking with his in the crowd of groupies thronging the mosh pit and singing for him alone, a heartbroken love song. Seeing him, _noticing_ him.

It's not late enough, and he doesn't have enough cheap and bitter booze in him yet.

But against all odds, today, on this Thursday night, somehow -- Jaebum is walking down the stage, the crowd parting, still singing as he awkwardly gets on one knee before Jackson, his eyes burning, a scorching fire-black; taking Jackson's hand as he serenades him with his soul-snatching voice and bewitches him with his wild eyes.

It must be a dream, Jackson thinks in a dazed stupor, till after the set when all the groupies have scattered and it's only him and Jaebum left, fucking like animals in the cigarette-stinking, cramped toilet cubicles of the grimy club, and Jaebum is hissing and grunting in his ear with every frantic, sharp thrust sledgehammering him all the way inside, _Baby, it's not a dream; you're the only fucking reason I've been coming back to this shitty club every single Thursday for the past two years to sing_.

 

**02:00**

It's two A.M., the quietest, loneliest hour of the night when Jackson finds himself alone in his bed with his thoughts and two choices: to listen to _Only Love_ on loop with his headphones on, volume rutched all the way up; or call his best friend.

For the first time, he decides on the latter.

Jaebum answers on the fifth ring, and Jackson lets out his held breath, heartbeat resuming.

"Mmmph?" Jaebum garbles, sounding three-quarters asleep.

"You picked up!" Jackson whispers giddily, unable to hide the smile in his voice.

"Jackson? Fuck do you want? It's ass o'clock in the morning, you wanker --" Jaebum's voice is deeper than usual, with irritation. Jackson hears a muffled groan as he rolls over heavily and presses his fist to his mouth to muffle his immature giggle at the thought of Jaebum running a frustrated hand through his hopelessly-tousled bedhead.

There's a pause as he struggles to suppress his laughter, when suddenly Jaebum says again, sounding more sober and slightly anxious: "Jackson-ah? Is something wrong?"

A squeak of laughter escapes, but thankfully he manages to disguise it as a cough in time. It's not difficult because he can hear Jaebum's breathing, quickening with concern and for some reason there's suddenly a weird lump in his throat.

He surprises even himself with his next words. "I was... lonely."

Immediately, he's back to trying not to crack up as he swallows his cackles and congratulates himself silently, _Well-played, Wang_.

But Jaebum seems to swallow the lie hook, line and sinker as his voice instantly softens, lowers in a way that makes Jackson's breath catch in his throat.

"You can't sleep? Ugh, I guess I can talk to you a while, then -- but just five minutes, you hear me?"

 

Later on, neither of them will be able to remember what on earth they talked about, but somehow they ended up not hanging up till morning.

 

**03:00**

It's three in the morning, the witching hour. Jaebum is the doleful, translucent ghost who stands at the foot of Jackson's bed and watches him creepily as he sleeps, able to keep himself occupied with this banal activity for hours on end.

He has been haunting this nondescript, crumbling apartment for as long as he can remember, far longer than Jackson has been living there. Initially, he had been unable to leave, to let go because this tiny, shabby house had held memories of tragedy and heartbreak for him before he died, alone, within its cold walls.

But gradually, somewhere along the way, his reason for being unable to leave had altered completely.

He would never tell anyone -- not that he had any soul, living or dead, to communicate with -- but for some time now, his reason for haunting this bare, unremarkable stamp-sized apartment had been this Chinese boy named Jackson Wang who had moved in randomly, out of the blue.

At first, he had been fiercely unwelcome to Jaebum, intruding his obnoxious presence upon his solitary, miserable and contemplative drifts through the walls of this house, amusing himself with the bone-aching chill he felt whenever he passed through them like he was air, or lesser than air -- nothing.

He had wallowed in this emptiness, enjoyed this self-hatred and icy-cold aloneness like a knife repeatedly carving into his stopped heart.

But then Jackson had moved in with a deafening clatter, alone as well but the polar opposite of Jaebum in every other way -- _alive_.

Jackson was alive in more than the literal way -- he was alive in a way that made Jaebum's ears hurt, that made his phantom limbs ache and his being shatter with fury.

But he had no choice, because Jackson was here to stay, and try as he might, Jaebum just couldn't get him to budge an inch from the house.

He tried, every night, with various wily and devious ways to infiltrate Jackson's dreams and pollute his thoughts, darken that snowy-pure smile. But he just couldn't.

So in the end, he ended up spending his long nights mournfully floating at the foot of Jackson's uncomfortable bed as he slept soundly as a baby, smiling even in his sleep like his dreams were the sweetest things in the world.

Jaebum was stricken with jealousy that he was denied entrance from them.

 

But then one dark, moonlit night, Jackson suddenly sat up straight in bed, eyes opening wide, and looking right at Jaebum.

Not through him, but at him. For the first time in years, decades -- centuries -- someone could see Jaebum.

Jaebum gasped, heart flying out of his chest, but Jackson seemed eerily calm as he blinked his large, innocent eyes and smiled slowly, sleepily at Jaebum with absolute trust.

"Who are you?" he asked, eyes bright with open curiosity. "You're so beautiful... but you look terribly lonely." Jackson blinked, and tears glimmered in his eyes for a moment before spilling over.

 

Jaebum had never known that ghosts could fall in love, until then.

"My name... is... Jaebum," he stammered, voice rusty and frighteningly ancient.

He flinched, expecting Jackson to flee screaming from this nightmare, but Jackson's smile only widened, his eyes softening.

"Jaebum," he repeated in wonder, and Jaebum was silent as they stared at each other, wondering if this was real, wondering if ghosts could dream.

 

What happened next was a blank, but when he regained his consciousness again it was morning and Jackson was awake and out of bed, eating breakfast. He was back to looking through Jaebum, and Jaebum felt an equally sharp disappointment and relief.

But then Jackson's eyes gained a dreamy glaze, and he started absently playing with his breakfast cereal. Jaebum would have stopped breathing if he could as he breathlessly watched Jackson slowly but thoughtfully and with purpose arrange the small, colourful alphabets into his name.

"Jae...bum," Jackson murmured softly, to himself, and frowned, his lovely eyes forlorn and wistful. The transparent morning light falling through the open window made him looked inhumanly beautiful, and for the first time in his long, endless afterlife, Jaebum felt thankful that he was a ghost as he floated closer and tremblingly pressed an achingly loving kiss to Jackson's soft cherry lips.

 

**04:00**

There was a secret only two people knew about Jaebum -- that one night pre-debut in the JYP building, he had screamed like a girl when he thought he saw a ghost.

He had been on his way out, the only one left in the pitch-dark and deserted building in the pin-drop silence of 4 A.M. because he had lost track of time practicing, and now was inwardly groaning as he tried not to shiver and put on a brave face, briskly shuffling through the corridors towards the exit.

His heart had stopped for a second when he saw an almost imperceptible sliver of ghostly white light glowing from the bottom of one of the practice room doors, which he only then noticed was slightly ajar.

An unknown but irresistible force led his feet timidly forward, his heart beating in his throat like a hummingbird as he soundlessly pushed the door open, the light blinding his retinas for a split-second before his eyes adjusted to see through the crack one of the other trainees he knew only by name but had seldom spoken to since he entered the company a few months before, partially because he was from Hong Kong and didn't speak Korean.

His heart thudded in relief, slowing -- before his eyes moved to the mirror to realise with an aghast ice-cold feeling that _Jackson had no reflection_.

He screamed, then, like a banshee. Probably loud enough for the entire building to hear.

Since there was only one person in the building, naturally, Jackson heard.

As Jackson stopped doggedly going through his choreography and slowly turned, frowning to the direction of the noise, Jaebum wanted more than anything to turn on his heel and flee like a bat from hell being chased by wildebeests.

But his feet remained rooted to the ground, paralyzed with fear, his eyes saucers. His knees knocked together and he worried he might be about to wet his pants.

Then Jackson was walking towards him, footsteps measured but recognition gradually dawning in his eyes and Jaebum was covered in a sheen of cold sweat, his mouth still frozen half-open.

"Hyung?" Jackson stopped when he was in front of Jaebum, about two feet away, his voice questioning. The Korean word from his mouth was slightly accented but surprisingly precise. Up close, he looked unnervingly real and opaque and human. Jaebum didn't dare to tear his eyes from Jackson's, terrified that the moment he did Jackson would leap onto him and sink his claws or teeth into Jaebum's neck or rush towards him with a deadly sinister smile, possessing Jaebum's body like in horror movies.

But the seconds ticked by and Jackson only continued blinking at him, looking slightly confused. A trickle of sweat rolled down his temple, skin of his face flushed and glistening from the workout. He looked nothing like a ghost.

"Y-you... d-don't have a reflection," Jaebum croaked, then swore furiously under his breath, his knees buckling. He had heard myths that the worst thing to do when one met a ghost was to let them know that they were one.

But Jackson's face didn't morph into an evil mask, or turn crimson as he flew into an unholy rage, but his handsome brows only drew together a little more as his bewildered frown deepened.

"I don't?" he asked, and promptly turned to look into one of the mirrors that took up two entire walls of the studio.

Jaebum's breath caught in his throat in a silent scream, expecting Jackson to finally lose it when he saw his own lack of reflection.

To his surprise, Jackson burst into laughter when his eyes met the mirror which Jaebum was still resolutely refusing to turn to, keeping his eyes glued to Jackson's chiseled face, his floppy bangs falling into his eyes and long lashes spiked with perspiration. He was unnaturally good-looking for a trainee, or a ghost, for that matter. Jaebum didn't know ghosts could look so handsome.

"Jaebum hyung," Jackson said again, his voice deep with a slight teasing note this time. Before Jaebum knew it, Jackson had taken his chin boldly as if they were friends, and casually turned it to face the mirror.

Jaebum wanted to screw his eyes shut, refusing to look, but instead he met Jackson's own bemused ones in the mirror, seeing his pale self standing next to Jackson, looking far more like a ghost than Jackson's very present and visible reflection. Jackson looked realer than real, undeniably human.

"Are you seeing things?" Jackson asked, softening the edge of his blunt question with a laugh and adding, "You shouldn't practice till so late every night and get more rest. Your mind might play tricks on you if you're overworked or tired."

Jackson's command of Korean was impressively -- even charmingly -- fluent, although choppy and halting. He didn't use the suffix of "-yo" with every sentence, whether deliberately or accidentally Jaebum didn't know -- but surprisingly, he wasn't offended. Jackson was charming in a way the other foreign trainees in their company weren't, his smile disarming even in sloppy shapeless sweat and disheveled without make-up.

He was so ashamed by his faux pas, his stupid and ridiculous optical illusion, and most of all, revealing his cowardice and fear in front of Jackson, effectively ruining the chic, manly image he already had as a trainee and was inordinately proud of.

"Don't worry," Jackson said immediately, as if reading his mind. "I won't tell anybody."

He mimed zipping his lips and throwing away the key, his eyes twinkling mischievously in a way Jaebum had completely no clue how well he would get to know in the years to come.

Then, he just choked, pathetically and humiliatingly, Jackson's booming and brassy laugh echoing around the empty practice room and building.

It was, without a doubt, one of the most embarrassing nights of Jaebum's life.

But that said, he did walk out of the JYP building ten minutes later feeling a little less alone than he had in the previous nights. And a few -- then, slowly, too many to count -- nights later too.

 

Because Jackson was beside him, matching his pace and chattering so unstoppably until Jaebum couldn't hear his thoughts, couldn't hear anything but the soothing rhythm of Jackson's bass voice, deep and melodic as the beating of his heart.

 

(Back then, he was guilelessly innocent, having no idea that years later, he would again suspect more than once that Jackson wasn't completely human -- but this time, because he was too gorgeous to be a mere mortal.)

 

**05:00**

"Who are you?" was the first question Jaebum croaked out when he blinked open his eyes to see an ethereal, dewdrop-shape-eyed boy haloed by pristine, blinding white light.

"Jinyoung," had been the serene reply in a hypnotically deep voice.

"Where am I?" Jaebum had groggily demanded next, looking around him in a bewildered daze as he took in a room whose walls seemed to be entirely constructed of clouds.

"Dead," came the equally calm answer.

 

It had taken hours for the horrified shrieking to make his voice go hoarse, then disappear; days for the unstoppable keening from his agonized lips to subside. The details were boring, typical. He acted just like any other human being would act in the situation -- unable to accept, to believe that he was dead.

In the end, like everyone else -- like Jinyoung himself -- he had had no choice.

He was lucky, he knew, in some twisted way, that he had Jinyoung there when he opened his eyes like a newborn chick; in those first terrifying and nightmarish days when he had had no idea how he had gotten to this impossible place; how he had died.

Jinyoung had been alone when he went through it, and though he didn't say anything about his experience Jaebum could tell from the way he shuddered that it hadn't been pretty.

Still, there were some things neither of them knew yet.

Like how he had died, for example. His mind was a frustrating, painful blank when he tried to rack his brains for his final moments on earth.

And where they were.

And what they were doing there; how long they would be there; or what they had to do.

He was just relieved when he opened his eyes daily, his held breath only resuming when he saw Jinyoung slumbering peacefully on a fluffy cloud mattress next to him, his sweet face naturally angelic in repose.

Jinyoung who had walked him through the steps, talked him soothingly and kindly back into a semblance of sanity for those first few nerve-wracking days. Who had, with his trademark unshakable simplicity, placed his hands on Jaebum's shaking shoulders and asked him to stop wailing and look into his eyes, for a moment.

Jaebum had obeyed, falling silent, opening his eyes wide and gazing straight into Jinyoung's crystalline, honest eyes. They were like transparent mirrors, like the surface of a clear, ripple-less lake, and in them Jaebum saw himself. He gasped to see himself completely different from how he had remembered his appearance, transformed almost unrecognizably into a vision of pure white like Jinyoung.

Needless to say, he looked far, far more angelic than he felt.

 

Slowly and patiently, Jinyoung had taught him everything he knew about this place and their existence, imparting all his knowledge to Jaebum without holding back. He had nurtured Jaebum like his own hyung, even though Jaebum was older and felt a fierce protective urge for fragile, susceptible Jinyoung.

It was only fitting that Jinyoung's mortal was as wispy, as unearthly beautiful as him, Jaebum thought.

The concept of mortals had been introduced to him by Jinyoung in his second week in this -- cloud-castle.

He had instructed Jaebum to peer through an opening he hadn't noticed on the floor of the cloud, which they were able to stand on (it felt like walking on eiderdown, weightless and untethered), prising the small hole further apart with his bare hands to allow Jaebum a clearer view.

Jaebum had watched in hushed, spellbound silence -- although he didn't need to be quiet, because humans couldn't hear them -- the boy who Jinyoung told him softly was his mortal.

His name was Mark, and he was Taiwanese-American. Jinyoung reluctantly admitted that even after his months (a guesstimate, they had no real way of keeping track of the passage of time) in this simulacrum of heaven, he had no idea why Mark had been assigned to him as his mortal. He had merely found the hole at the bottom of the cloud one day by chance, and started spending more and more time as if by an invisible magnetic attraction watching the young man named Mark and the events and going-ons of his banal, human life on earth. Simply because he had nothing else to do.

The rest, he had deduced. Jaebum was starting to learn that Jinyoung was extraordinarily intelligent, and grudgingly admitted to himself that he was lucky to be trapped with him here, in this cell high up in the sky, where only blue and white stretched out as far as the eye could see.

Jinyoung had shared with him, eyes glinting with an almost human excitement that most people got when they acquired an amazing ability, or a marvellous secret, that he could control some of the things that happened to Mark.

To be more precise, he could shield Mark from some things, protect him when he sensed danger approaching. Many times, he bragged to Jaebum with a proud smile, he had saved Mark's life, like a knight in shining armour.

A pity, he murmured in a smaller voice, his expressive face promptly falling, that Mark would probably never know who he was, or that he existed in this world.

After all, he didn't exist in Mark's world anymore. Neither of them did.

 

When Jaebum enquired politely and respectfully if Jinyoung had ever met Mark in his human life, Jinyoung frowned in a way that made it obvious he had pondered this exact question for long hours himself.

"No," he said quietly, with a melancholy shake of his head. "At least, I don't remember. But I feel like if I had, I would."

"Don't you think so?" he raised his head and met Jaebum's eyes, hopefully.

Jaebum nodded earnestly. It wasn't so much that Mark was the kind of gorgeous that most people would find hard to forget. It was something deeper, more mysterious, a kind of bond that he could sense between Mark and Jinyoung, even though Jinyoung never verbally expressed or alluded to it. It was so strong and transcendant, he could physically feel it from the quiet fondness and affection with which Jinyoung gazed at Mark, never growing bored or impatient even for hours on end; the way his eyes grew starry and clouded with sadness as he longingly watched Mark do stupid and very human things and Jaebum could see how much he wished he was back in the mortal world, doing them with him.

Thus, it was an insolveable mystery why Jinyoung had been "assigned" Mark (and by who, for that matter). And what Jinyoung was supposed to do for him, for how long. But all Jaebum knew with crystal clarity was that if Jinyoung had never passed away, he would never have met Mark or knew of his existence. They lived in two different countries; their paths never destined to cross.

And he found his eyes blurring when Jinyoung confided in him, voice broken like glass shards, that sometimes, just sometimes, he even felt happy he had died -- simply because it had led him to meet Mark. That meeting Mark made it all worth it.

It was crazy, senseless. But love was. And Jinyoung loved Mark with everything he had in him.

 

Sometime along the way, as the weeks slipped past in a hazy blur, then months, Jaebum had started feeling jealous.

He envied the incandescent glow of Jinyoung's eyes, singlehandedly illuminating the night sky like little tea lights as he sighed contentedly watching Mark smile in his sleep, lying awake late into their own night. He was indescribably and absurdly jealous of how unbelievably, miraculously, Jinyoung had managed to find happiness in this ivory tower in the sky they were both trapped in, without any rhyme or reason or purpose.

Jinyoung had found his purpose. And Jaebum was growing more and more impatient to find his own.

They didn't have jobs or school here, high up in the sky, above the airplanes and stars and even the sun. All he had was Jinyoung's company, which was pitiably meager since he spent most of his time gazing out of his cloud window, till his back ached and his joints protested but he still didn't budge. All they had was time, vast expanses and measures of it, abundant beyond measure.

They didn't have anything to amuse themselves with, no computers or TVs or music or books. Only the sound of each other's voices, and the cacophony of their thoughts, seeking direction and enlightenment.

It was enough boredom to drive one to distraction. So naturally, Jaebum spent a big part of his day crawling around the floor of their immsense cloud raft, searching tirelessly for his own hole in the ground. The texture of the cloud was so fluffy that he sank down to his elbow and thigh-level every time he inched forward on his hands and knees, but he never gave up.

Even if he was unable to remember the reason for his death, he was determined to search for the reason for his afterlife.

Mark grew a year older, then two. Jinyoung remained nineteen. Eternally nineteen.

And Jaebum stayed twenty-one.

When Mark was the same age as him, Jaebum finally found his mortal.

 

He had stumbled across the slight spiderweb crack in the cloud floor, unnoticeable by eyes any less sharper and more desperate than Jaebum's. His heart missed a lurching beat initially, then sank in disappointment. At first, he thought he had found his window. But then, when he saw Mark entering the scene from the right, he realised that it was probably another glimpse of Jinyoung's mortal's world.

Jinyoung hadn't mentioned to him more than one window, and had spent the last two years glued to the only one Jaebum knew of, but he must have forgotten to bring up this information.

Jaebum slumped down in defeat, lying down with his face pressed to the hole like a child against a shop window, when his heart stopped the second time.

Because Mark was still in the scene, which he had realised looked like an empty lecture hall in a university, students filtering out after class. It was the university Mark had entered at the beginning of the year, and Jaebum had heard Jinyoung wax lyrical with maternal pride countless times.

But this time, Jaebum's eyes were irresistibly drawn by a boy sitting next to him -- a boy Jaebum couldn't remember ever seeing before in his mortal life but who looked hauntingly, heart-stoppingly familiar.

"Jinyoung." His voice came out as a harsh cry, jagged and breathless.

In an instant, Jinyoung was by his side, his body pressing without human temperature or heat against Jaebum's side, his face glued to the small hole Jaebum had prised open with shaking but careful hands till it was almost the size of Jinyoung's.

"Oh my god," Jinyoung breathed. He never swore casually, because they were in too precarious a position to take God's name in vain, but Jaebum could tell he was truly shocked and excited for him.

"Is that him?" Jinyoung whispered, echoing the thoughts racing through his mind he was unable to vocalize, in case this would all shatter like bubbles of sea foam, like a mirage in the desert or vapour trails in the sky.

But Jinyoung pointed with a steady and overjoyed finger out of the hole, his arm immediately turning the silvery translucent any part of their body did if they tried sticking it out of the hole. It was an effect eerie enough to prevent them from venturing further or trying to throw themselves off the edges of the cloud in the past two years. Besides, now that they had each other, as Jinyoung said grimly, they weren't going anywhere till they found out what was going on.

Jaebum didn't realise tears were running down his cheeks till Jinyoung turned to him, eyes softening instantly, and reached out a gentle thumb to wipe them away gently. He hadn't even known he was still able to cry, but the reason he hadn't felt them flowing down his cheeks was that he no longer had any sensations, whether of dampness or warmth.

But apparently, he still had the ability to feel sadness.

Honestly, sometimes it felt like the only sensation he was still able to feel in this cut-off, detached otherworldly world.

 

"Hyung," Jinyoung sobbed with emotion, hugging him. "Congratulations."

He was lucky, Jaebum thought with a lump in his throat as he continued peering through the hole like an addict all night, and all of the next day too, his hands growing numb from stretching it as far as it could go but his lifeless heart steadily seeming to expand and grow infinitesimally warmer -- so lucky that he had Jinyoung by his side in this lonely fortress, reminding Jaebum of what it had felt like so very long ago now, to be human.

 

It didn't take Jaebum long to satisfy his avid and ravenous curiosity. The boy's -- _his mortal's_ \-- name was Jackson. Jackson Wang Ka-yee, from Hong Kong, one of Mark's new classmates in his major at university.

Jackson was perfect. He was everything Jaebum had ever dreamed of in a mortal, and more.

It seemed like such an ironic twist of fate that Jinyoung and Jaebum's mortals had ended up meeting each other, but neither of them felt genuinely surprised. It felt like happenstance, like serendipity, that somehow their invisible but strong bond up above had led their mortals, as if by the red string of fate, to meet and befriend each other, providing each other the strength Jaebum and Jinyoung couldn't provide them visibly and physically.

Jaebum knew that Jinyoung wished as fervently and heartily as himself that Mark and Jackson would grow as close as the two of them were, and watched their blossoming friendship like proud parents surveying their children forging best friendships at preschool.

But most of the time, Jaebum still found himself spending most of his time privately, just whiling away the hours watching Jackson working at some mundane task like using the internet or taking the subway too and from school, slacking off in class and goofing off after. Eating, sleeping and jerking off. Dreaming and smiling and laughing -- and sometimes, very rarely (thankfully because these always felt like daggers piercing Jaebum's ribs) crying, alone or feeling tired.

At these times, all Jaebum wished was to magically transform himself into a wave of energy that could sweep over Jackson, bringing him back to life, to his usual hyperactive and lively self that was Jaebum's only source of laughter up here. But no matter how many ways he could turn himself into energy for fleeting instants to inspire Jackson, this was something he was frustratingly unable to do. All he wanted was to let Jackson know that no matter how alone he felt, he was never alone. Ever. Because Jaebum was always watching him up from above, all-seeing, all-forgiving and all-encompassing.

It sounded creepy, being watched like that, but Jaebum had the inexplicable feeling that Jackson wouldn't mind. He let his mind wonder occasionally, to the what-ifs and maybes, fantasies and illusions. What if he had met Jackson in the mortal world, before he passed on? Would Jackson have liked him, as much as Jaebum liked him? Would they have become friends?

Would he have found Jaebum as loveable as Jaebum found him?

It was tricky, because it was only when Jaebum found Jackson that he realised that their kind of love -- Jinyoung's and Jaebum's -- was slightly different from romantic love. It was something that was beyond definition, that rarely existed in the mortal world. It was immortal love, something he only found himself capable of in this afterlife.

Soulmates, Jaebum found himself thinking. It wasn't exactly accurate, mostly because Jackson didn't have a clue of his existence, but it was the closest word to describe the way Jaebum felt for him.

 

Even though he had never met Jackson in his life, Jaebum found him unsettlingly and comfortingly familiar at the same time, like a lullaby from his childhood he had lost and found again. He swiftly acquired a vast wealth of information about every aspect of Jackson's life and his history from his birth till the present, and devoured this knowledge as voraciously as if it were oxygen. He made it his mission to find out everything about Jackson, and found this voyage of discovery fascinating. Thus, knowing Jackson so well, it was effortless to predict his every next move, to hold him back from taking the wrong steps but also allowing him to make the mistakes he had to learn and grow.

Jaebum was surprised to find that he enjoyed being an angel. It was never a vocation he would have expected himself to find pleasure in, or even be skilful at, but he blushed with pride whenever Jinyoung warmly complimented him on what a good job he was doing with Jackson, and how Jackson was so sunny and unshadowed and full of life and love in a way very few mortals were.

(Privately, Jaebum felt that it had much more to do with Jackson's inborn and own personality than his care or guidance. In fact, occasionally he felt that he was learning more from Jackson than Jackson was from him, that he was unworthy of being the angel of a person as brilliant and dazzling as Jackson.)

Then, somehow, Jackson would stop his nonexistent heart by doing something utterly and wholly unexpected and breathtaking like closing his eyes on the last moment before he tipped into sleep at night, and saying quietly, in his head, _Thank you_. As if he knew that Jaebum was there, watching over him; as if he could sense Jaebum's existence, even when Jaebum didn't exist.

Just those two words made everything Jaebum painstakingly went through to pave Jackson's road totally and completely worth it.

 

Gradually, they developed a routine. They would spend all day -- from the moment they woke up till the moment the air around them darkened to a starless black -- watching their mortals through the portals, because that was all they wanted to do.

But when the sun set, Jinyoung and Jaebum would tear themselves away with reluctance and join each other, spending their alone time together. They were careful to devote time to nurturing their friendship and giving each other warmth and companionship as well.

If they had the desire to eat or any appetites for food, they would have had dinner together, maybe having a barbeque with good meat under the open night sky. But since they didn't, they contented themselves with talking and laughing together till they grew tired and fell asleep next to each other.

And one morning Jaebum woke up and realised that he had nothing to want for. In spite of everything, in spite of the fact that they still had no idea where this place was and what they were here for, in spite of the fact that Mark and Jackson didn't know them and would probably never know them -- Jaebum and Jinyoung were happy. In this private, secular universe with just the four of them, they had managed to find happiness in each other.

And that, Jaebum thought, was a greater miracle than the fact that he had landed in this bizarre temporum without rhyme or reason after he had departed the earthly world.

 

So, together, they continued watching silently over Mark and Jackson. Sometimes they switched windows, just for fun. And sometimes they got upset with their own mortals and the other had to cajole and persuade them to forgive the poor boys because they were just mere humans, with their beautiful flaws and imperfections. And sometimes they got uselessly angry and devastated at the thought that Mark and Jackson would never see them, or know how much Jaebum and Jinyoung loved them. That they would never know how worthy they were of such love.

They watched Mark and Jackson's friendship blossom tentatively, then grow into something steady and strong and lasting. They teared up, then got embarrassed, when Mark and Jackson were the pillars of support for each other they themselves could never be. With bated breaths, they watched Mark and Jackson fall in awkward and clumsy crushes with each other, then realise their mutual feelings. They watched them fall out of friendship and into love -- then out of love and back into a more fraught and hesitant friendship.

They watched them fall down and get up, fail and succeed, overcome obstacles that only made them into stronger and better people. Jaebum and Jinyoung watched Mark and Jackson grow into adults that made them so proud they were bursting with it, into people who were filled with love and the ability to share it.

 

The years passed. Mark and Jackson dated various girls and had a string of girlfriends, and made other close friends like Bambam and Yugyeom and Youngjae, but they never fell out of their best-friendship.

The year Mark turned twenty-seven and Jackson twenty-six, Jaebum and Jinyoung still remained twenty-one and nineteen. But despite their outward and stagnated ages, they felt like they had grown immeasurably as well, just by being beside each other and their amazing, unbelievably humane mortals.

 

One unremarkable, dateless morning, Jaebum woke up, as usual, and just like that, Jinyoung had grown wings.

He seemed to have sprouted them overnight, in his sleep, without any pain or memory. With tears brimming in his eyes and overflowing with desperation and fear and the exhilaration of freedom, Jinyoung had asked him, his hands running compulsively over the feathery, beating downy appendages in wonder: "What's going to happen next, hyung?"

"I don't want to leave you," Jaebum heard a frightened, childlike voice saying, cracking on the last word, and at first he thought it was Jinyoung but then Jinyoung reached out and drew him into his arms warmly and Jaebum realised with a start that it was _him_.

"I don't want you to leave," Jaebum was crying, like a lost abandoned child, the way he had on the first day he had woken up in this strange, twisted heaven and Jinyoung had been looming over him like he was Jaebum's personal guardian angel instead of Mark's; and in many ways, Jaebum thought that he was.

Mark hadn't known Jinyoung, so he didn't have to bear the pain of saying goodbye -- but how could anyone, in this world or the other, possibly endure the agony of bidding farewell to Jinyoung, when they had known his softness, his tenderness and gentle compassion?

Jinyoung was a true angel, Jaebum realised, in all the ways Jaebum would never be. He was everything an angel was supposed to be -- unselfish, selfless and self-sacrificing. He had saved Mark and he had saved Jaebum too, and Jaebum hadn't known how much he needed an angel till it was too late and Jinyoung was deserting him.

 

"Oh, Jaebum," Jinyoung whispered hoarsely, dropping the _hyung_ for once, his voice filled with so much warmth and affection and love that Jaebum only cried harder. Jinyoung suddenly seemed so much more mature, so much older and wiser and more lofty. Did it come with the wings, Jaebum wondered? But it was clear that Jinyoung had finally found his inner peace.

"It hurts to leave you too, my favourite hyung," Jaebum continued in that hypnotically calming voice, like molten sunshine and falling rain. "But trust me, it's only a matter of time before we'll be together again. And when that time comes, it will be forever. You just have to be patient. And did you forget that you still have Jackson? What will he do without you? We both know how hopeless he is, what a bumbling klutz..."

Jinyoung's voice had regained a bit of its old teasing note, and Jaebum snorted a half-hearted but still unbearably sad laugh.

"Why can't you stay here? With me? A little longer..." he whined, sounding more and more like Jinyoung's child.

"I don't know, Jaebum-ah," Jinyoung replied evenly, with the same placid tranquility he had calmed Jaebum down with the day he arrived above the clouds. Unconsciously, Jaebum had grown to love their cloud-home, where they spent long languid hours just observing Mark and Jackson and gossping about them and laughing about them and worrying about them and aching about them, but mostly loving them.

"But," Jinyoung continued, his eyes growing more and more distant, as if he had already left, "if we hadn't come here, we wouldn't have met Mark and Jackson and each other. We wouldn't have known this happiness."

"Were you happy? With me? Are you happy now?" Jaebum was grasping at straws, tugging at Jinyoung's clothing urgently as if he could keep him here just by sheer brute force.

Jinyoung nodded and smiled at him radiantly, a smile filled with sympathy and acceptance.

"I was so happy because of you, hyung. Before you came, I hated this place; but for the past years, I felt so lucky to be stuck here with you. Thank you for everything."

Jaebum heard a sob catch in his own throat. "What about Mark? What will that fool do without you?" Jaebum quoted a line Jinyoung often used in tender exasperation, and saw the unmistakable flicker of sadness in Jinyoung's eyes.

"I can't bear to leave either of you, Jaebummie," Jinyoung said with aching softness. "But sometimes we have no choice but to say goodbye. And I'm sure -- absolutely certain Mark will be just fine without me, on his own. Just like you."

Jaebum had nothing else to say or add. Because Jinyoung had made himself clear. He wanted to leave. And because Jaebum loved him, he had to let go.

Because if Jackson had taught Jaebum what love was, then Jinyoung was the one who taught him how to love without expecting anything in return.

 

An innumerable and uncountable number of dreadfully lonely nights later, Jaebum found himself dreaming, for the first time since he had ascended to this castle in the sky.

 

When he awoke, he didn't dare to open his eyes for a moment, feeling sure that when he did, he would find wings billowing from his back, magnificent and ready for flight to wherever Jinyoung was.

But he found something better. Much, much unimaginably better.

Because what he saw was Jackson, curled up like a miracle in bright white, sleeping peacefully next to him.

 

**06:00**

Jackson blinks drowsily out of warm, sweet slumber to the slightest dipping of their goosefeather queen-sized bed to see Jaebum looking sheepish and tender, half-dressed in his work shirt and pressed slacks but hair ruffled with morning haste.

"Did I wake you, babe? I'm sorry." Jaebum's voice is softer than down, lulling Jackson back into the ocean of sleep as he bends to press a chaste, achingly gentle kiss to Jackson's forehead. As he spirals back down into unconsciousness, Jackson feels Jaebum's large palm fitting against the curve of his forehead with years of easy familiarity, his fingers carelessly and unthinkingly carding through Jackson's glossy strands.

Jackson knows Jaebum's favourite scent and the way he adores how soft Jackson's hair is, like the silken fur of a long-haired cat. That's the only reason he's been using the same shampoo for the past nine years.

He knows Jaebum likes to bury his nose in Jackson's strands, falling asleep surrounded by the fruity lavender fragrance, sometimes nosing into Jackson's clavicles and delicate collarbones to seek the more musky aroma of slight perspiration underneath.

He knows that Jaebum has risen even before the sun nearly every day for the past decade, like clockwork, and only returning after the sun sets, because he wants to be the sole breadwinner of their family so Jackson can be a luxurious house-husband.

 

Now, he tries valiantly to fight back the tempting beast of sleep, because Jaebum is the sexiest in the morning, and the most gentle. He's soft in a way he never is when they are both wide awake, pitting both their wits and snark and physical brute strength against each other; subtly engaging in their everlasting battle for dominance, for asserting their aggressiveness and possession over each other's body.

It's early in the morning, when the sun hasn't yet fully risen in the muted lilac-grey sky when Jackson sees the submission in Jaebum's eyes, the same submission that he feels deep in his soul but has yet to find the courage to profess out loud.

He finally surfaces from oblivion once again, heart jump-starting to see that Jaebum is still in the room, sitting on the armchair in the corner and just staring at Jackson with hazily hungry eyes and a dreamy half-smile on his face, because he likes Jackson best in the mornings too, clingy and cuddly and whiny, reluctant to let him go.

The admiration and ownership in Jaebum's gaze is enough to stop Jackson's world turning on its axis. Jaebum is so breathtakingly confident, in ways that are totally different from Jackson -- while Jackson is all cocky and boorish arrogance on the outside, wearing his swagger like a designer jacket; Jaebum is silent and calm, only the dark depths of his unwavering and unrelenting narrow eyes asserting his dominion.

But, Jackson thinks, they are twice as certain when Jaebum doesn't even try, when he just sweeps his gaze over Jackson's entire bare body without a second of lingering, as if it's the most natural of things, unspoken but unnecessary to be spoken that Jackson is entirely Jaebum's property; that Jaebum has long marked every square inch of Jackson's body with his kisses and bites and lips and tongue. His worship.

 

The sky outside the window is just beginning to lighten, salmon and vermillion rays creeping from the horizon and slowly staining across the denim blue dawn. Sunrises in Seoul are later, and more picturesque, Jackson remembers with contented bliss.

He peeks from beneath his eyelashes, so Jaebum isn't aware that he's conscious. Jaebum shifts his crossed legs in his seat as Jackson stretches his with a calculated motion that makes the covers slip dangerously down the creamy expanse of his bare back, his muscled shoulderblades and the athletic and graceful curve of his spine which he knows drives Jaebum to distraction.

Jaebum clears his throat, dropping his gaze and pulls the cuff of his right hand back, looking irritated as he takes in the time on his pricey Rolex. Jackson smiles, and rolls over again so the covers slip tantalizingly past the swell of his hips, letting out a barely audible but sensuous snuffle-moan.

He can't see Jaebum from his new position, but hears his sharp intake of breath. He can almost read the heated thoughts racing through Jaebum's mind, how he must be guilt-stricken at having predatory and perverse thoughts about Jackson when he's innocently fast asleep, maybe even a building boner that he can't bear to wake Jackson up to take care of because Jackson is always petulant and childlike when he awakes. (At least, he pretends to be.)

Jackson is surprised to find his heart racing shallowly in his chest, as he hears the soft creak of Jaebum getting off the chair, to his feet, and padding noiselessly in his socks across the chilled parquet floor of their master bedroom towards the bathroom. The door slides closed with a rustle.

Jaebum doesn't let out a single noise, but Jackson knows him well enough to be certain he is inside the bathroom, furiously jerking off, furious at himself for being late for work and furious with Jackson for effortlessly and unconsciously (he thinks) distracting him. Jackson shakes his head in exasperation at himself -- he's hopeless, truly -- but he just likes teasing Jaebum so.

 

He likes knowing that even after nine years, Jaebum is still so riled up, so affected and hung up on his every movement, his every breath and word. He likes knowing that Jaebum pays attention to him, even when he's sleeping. That Jaebum can't take his eyes off him.

That Jaebum is besotted with Jackson, the way Jackson is head over heels smitten with him.

 

It's absurd and dumb and juvenile, really, this game of power play. They're too old for it -- in a few years Jaebum will probably have a distinguished sprinkling of salt and pepper on his temples, but with Jackson's luck, he will probably be stupid enough to find it even more attractive. The time between young adulthood and middle age has flown by swiftly and unnoticeably, but it's at moments like this that seem so timeless that Jackson wants to just freeze for a millisecond, in this molecule of eternity, and commit every single detail of that heartbeat to memory -- the sound of the faucet running behind the closed bathroom door; the early morning sun starting to warm his exposed skin; and a thin wall away, Jaebum thinking of and only of Jackson, utterly and completely in love with him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: (in part 10:00) for polyamory, voyeurism and 2 markson blowjob scenes because im markson trash 5ever lmao

**07:00**

They weren't anything special or extraordinary, just seven friends on a road trip. It was their last road trip together because after that they would all be going their separate ways, some to university, others still in high school, and still others out into the adult world. So the atmosphere was an odd mixture of happiness, nostalgia and bittersweetness. But still, they were all optimistic people who knew how to have fun and looked ahead most of the time, so they didn't dwell on the impending separation, instead focusing on making precious memories of boyhood friendship that would last them a lifetime.

If he could predict the future, he would have known that mere hours later, he would be stumbling blindly and bewilderedly through a cloudy, opaque mist. Following which, he would find himself in a rec room, his spirits inordinately calm and light as air, carefree in a way he had not felt in a long time as he felt the video camera he had been attached to the whole road trip still solid in his hand. The tape was still running, the date the same, only later but the sky outside the window was still bright, warm sunlight gently streaming in.

So he continued filming, buoyed by the others' lighthearted and upbeat moods and the rowdy racket they were making as they continued roughhousing tirelessly with each other. He wanted to capture every moment of this road trip he could on camera, so he could play it back later on when he felt lonely all by himself in Paris, oceans and continents away. The seven of them were childhood friends; had grown up together but it was rare they had a chance to get together like this since they had become teenagers so naturally they were all exhilarated. He was sad to leave them, hesitant to step into adulthood but being a photographer had been his ambition since he was young. In fact, he was enjoying himself more than he would admit relaxing for once and not having to be professional or technical as he carelessly and sloppily recorded his friends tussling and frolicking. The overall mood was high-spirited and nothing could get them down.

He moved from recording Youngjae flashing bright peace signs on the couch to capture in his viewfinder Jaebum managing to coax a remarkably obedient bird to perch on his finger; Mark posing by the window and peering mischievously over the rims of sunglasses like Lolita; Yugyeom dorky-dancing in a fluffy oversized sweater; and Bambam being smothered by all of them in a crushing group hug.

But at present, he had no idea any of this was going to happen. All he was aware of was the road trip mix tape blasting from the stereo, the six of them piled in the back of the pastel, colourful caravan. He was wearing his favourite lucky yellow cap, Mark looking laidback and comfortable in a matching canary hoodie. He took candid selfies with Jinyoung, and later stole a more solemn shot of him gazing out of the window, silhouetted by the blue graffiti outline of a bird. When Bambam fell asleep from sheer overexcitement and exhaustion, they muffled their giggles as they mercilessly graffitied his face. Every so often, Jaebum would turn back from the driver's seat to shake his head at them fondly, laughing with affectionate exasperation. The picturesque scenery flashed past their window, the spring weather unseasonably beautiful.

He couldn't remember when, but somewhere along the journey he must have climbed into the front seat and dozed off too because when he blinked awake sleepily again he found himself in the passenger seat, next to Jaebum who was still driving. His hands were steady on the wheel even as he looked over, giving him a sense of security.

"Ah, you're awake?"

He would miss that cheeky eye smile.

"Mm." He cleared his throat groggily. "Where are we?"

"Nearly there. You can nap a while longer."

He turned to look over the seat, and found the other five snoring softly, familiar faces blissful even in slumber. He felt a fierce pang of love. They were his family, had been in his life for so long now he couldn't remember what it was like without them anymore.

Jaebum was watching him quietly, still half-smiling, and he wanted to say this but didn't know how. Instead, he asked:

"Aren't you tired?"

Jaebum took a swig of his canned coffee. "I'm good. Don't worry, I won't get us into an accident."

(Neither of them knew these would prove to be the most ironic last words ever.)

 

In that moment, the lazily waving windshield wipers dappling Jaebum's face with shadows; Jaebum's eyes moving from the road to him and back; his eyelids growing heavier and starting to droop again -- in that very moment, they were blissfully ignorant that this would be both their last memory.

It was before the Ferris wheel; before the surreal sensation of levitating, of flying without wings; before Jinyoung on the precipice, a tear falling. Just the two of them, suspended in a fleeting capsule of time, over even before it started.

It was perfect.

 

**08:00**

Waking up in the same room as Jaebum, his face being the first Jackson sees every morning when he opens his eyes and the last at night before he closes them, is a novel experience.

It's disarmingly intimate, although they've known each other almost half a decade now; grown up and entered adulthood together.

He gets to see Jaebum's hopelessly rumpled bedhead, the faint smattering of stubble dotting his jaw, his sloppy sleeping position with limbs thrown every which way.

It's difficult not to see the humanity in someone when you're in such close proximity, an arm's length or a breath away.

He knows that to Jaebum's legions of fans, he is an idol, a deity of androidlike perfection, a prince and a godly figure on a pedestal.

But it's hard not to see a person as anything other than human when you breathe the same air as them twenty-four seven, when you practice and rehearse choreography alongside them till both of you are soaked in perspiration, shirts plastered to your back.

It's difficult not to notice his flaws, his imperfections and temper and perfectionism and expectations of himself and the pressure weighing down his shoulders. Difficult not to be sympathetic, not to be concerned, not to be involved.

Even when Jaebum is in the wrong, overly impatient or obstinate, Jackson finds it hard to hold it against him.

Because although he is an idol to millions, to Jackson, Jaebum is just a boy the same age as him, growing slowly but steadily into a young man.

As he is to Jaebum.

They might get annoyed with each other sometimes, squabble and bicker and fall out as friends do. But ultimately, they never forget that they're still in the same boat. Sink or swim, they'll do it together. And so they always unfailingly drift back to each other, like parallel lines converging; like tributaries merging into the main river.

Jackson knows there are few people who can call Jaebum a friend; even fewer who can call him a bandmate. And only one who can call him his roommate.

He never thought of it as a privilege.

Until one unremarkable morning when he wakes up when Jaebum is still asleep, looking tired with faint bluish shadows beneath his eyes. With all his travelling for solo activities lately and their conflicting schedules, he hasn't seen Jaebum's face in what suddenly seems like too long.

But even when they weren't together, he worried. He fretted incessantly about his back, his habit of overworking himself, and his penchant for self-reproach.

Now, with Jaebum slumbering contentedly and peacefully before him, completely at his disposal, Jackson is stricken by the urge to do something inexplicable and sweet like draping an extra blanket over his shoulders. He stops himself because if caught, it would raise too many awkward questions.

So he just contents himself with looking down at Jaebum, quietly allowing himself the one indulgence of studying him without restraint when he's unconscious, committing his features to memory like a mental snapshot he can take out and run his thumb over later, when he's far away again -- the fan of Jaebum's eyelashes, his aquiline nose and defined cheekbones, sensually thin lips and the boyish tousle of his hair.

It's unbelievable -- but being Jaebum's roommmate... it's the greatest privilege Jackson has ever known.

 

**09:00**

Domesticity becomes Jackson, Jaebum thinks proudly, not for the first time as he watches Jackson bustle around their small kitchen like a frazzled but contented housewife, making his breakfast before sending him off to work with a wifely kiss on his cheek.

Jackson always chars the toast slightly and overcooks the eggs, but Jaebum finishes it all anyway. When he compliments Jackson on his perfect cooking, the face-splitting beam Jackson breaks into is more than entirely worth it.

They've spent more mornings than he can count in this routine since they moved into this pocket-sized but cozy apartment months ago, but Jaebum is still continually surprised by how... soft Jackson is in the mornings, fluffy and shy and meek.

He's a bundle of unresisting sleepy warmth as Jaebum steals a backhug and even a bold morning nuzzle on the neck, only blushing and swatting him halfheartedly away with the spatula, but his eyes glint naughtily and speak otherwise, alluring Jaebum closer.

There is none of the wildness in Jackson that Jaebum fell for at nine in the morning, none of the dangerous sexiness, but sometimes he thinks he likes this kittenlike, playfully frisky Jackson better.

Because it seems like Jackson lets down his guard more, his defenses not fully up yet. And Jaebum takes the chance to sneak past the gates, losing himself in the maze that is Jackson.

Jackson props his chin in his fists, elbows on the Formica honey-coloured tabletop as he watches Jaebum eat fondly, enjoying the sight of him enjoying his homemade food. But later, he is the one who peppers sloppy, seductive kisses down the column of Jaebum's neck, lips soft and warm against his skin.

"I love you," Jaebum murmurs a little shyly before he checks his watch reluctantly and gets up to leave, arm trailing behind him and unwilling to let go of Jackson's smooth hand.

Jackson presses a tender kiss to his knuckles and replies easily, "I love you too."

It's a phrase they exchange every day, but Jackson doesn't know how much Jaebum means it, and why he is only brave enough to say it in the mornings.

But, Jaebum thinks, as he slots his key into the ignition and revs up his car, purring to life beneath him like Jackson in bed the previous night -- he blushes -- maybe he does know.

Maybe that's why his voice is always deceptively light, but he turns away to face the window for a moment before returning his attention to Jaebum, running quietly admiring hands down his body and straightening his tie with precision, before handing him his briefcase and tilting his head up to peck Jaebum's cheek with a shy blush.

In the morning light, his eyes sparkle with happiness, and for the millionth time, Jaebum thinks silently, _What wouldn't I do to keep that smile on that beautiful face for the rest of our lives?_

 

**10:00**

Recess was only forty-five minutes, but Jackson knew better than anyone that this was sufficient time to give a satisfactory blowjob.

He had tried and tested this countless times by now, ever since the first day he had raced towards the empty classroom he had arranged to meet Jaebum on shaky feet, running a trembling and sweaty hand through his hair -- and skidding to a stunned halt outside the dim, unlit classroom to see Jaebum already inside and lounging with his lazy pantherlike grace in the teacher's chair, but not alone.

That was the first day he had been introduced to Mark and Jinyoung. He had seen them around school on the corridors before but never exchanged words because they were a year older than him, juniors like Jaebum.

It had felt like a sucker punch right in Jackson's gut, seeing the three of them in the room for the first time, waiting for him. Because he had thought, foolishly and one-sidedly, when Jaebum casually asked to meet him the next day after archery practice, that it was a date.

 

Jaebum had been his most respected and idolized sunbae in the archery club since he had joined at the start of the year as a freshman. He seldom spoke and kept to himself, but Jackson had noticed his form and skill was one of the best and most formidable among the senior members.

It was unbelievably masculine and attractive.

It didn't help that Jaebum was also ruinously handsome; tall, dark and mysterious.

 

But Jackson never knew how much sexiness was hidden beneath that deceptively calm and composed exterior, until that first recess when he stepped apprehensively into the classroom and all three of them had looked up from their murmured low conversation.

He blushed slightly at all of their gazes pinned on him, scrutinizing. They were all very good-looking, in different ways, and intimidating in a fashion that wasn't merely from their additional year on him.

"So you're the infamous Jackson Wang," the cute-looking boy finally spoke up, breaking the awkward silence. His eyes were warm when he smiled, making him look much more approachable. He looked like the typical wholesome model student but his tie was loosened around his neck, top button undone and his feet were propped up arrogantly on a table as he leaned back on a chair. He beckoned Jackson forward and he cleared his throat and advanced in confusion, unsure of the meaning of his words.

"I'm Jinyoung." He stuck out a genial hand.

Jackson stuttered. "Nice to meet you, _sunbae_."

A current of static sparked between their skin when their hands touched, and Jackson's face heated up. Jinyoung smirked at him leeringly, sphinxlike and caressed his hand a second longer than was comfortable.

The other boy watching them quietly from the side had large, beautifully-shaped eyes that glinted silently as if with repressed laughter. He looked like he had walked out of an anime.

"Mark." He didn't offer Jackson a hand, his voice unnervingly low.

 

"Um..." Jackson started uncertainly, wondering what was going on. Had Jaebum invited him here to introduce him to his friends? His heart leapt pathetically, still not having fully given up the hope that Jaebum liked him back.

"What are we doing here?" His voice sounded squeaky, nervous in the silence as compared to the others' unbothered ones.

Finally, Jaebum spoke up, his deep voice reveberating in Jackson's every nerve. His blood felt like liquid fire, ignited by Jaebum's mere address of him. He had never stopped feeling Jaebum's presence even for a second since he entered the room, so physically aware of his eyes burning into Jackson's back it felt like they were boring holes.

But he was astonished by what Jaebum said:

"Get on your knees."

There wasn't anything dictatorial or commanding about the statement, but it was undeniably an order.

"W-what?" Jackson squeaked, spinning around, not believing his ears. He had been dreaming of Jaebum saying these very words to him for months now -- but definitely not in front of any other people. He thought he might be having a very bizarre wet dream.

Jaebum's voice changed subtly, not seeming displeased or impatient by Jackson's disobedience. Instead, he said in a silky tone:

"I've seen the way you look at me. Don't you want to please me, Jackson-ah?"

The first time Jaebum had ever said his name made a shudder course down Jackson's body. He felt weak, dizzy. It sounded so much more gentle and warm than he had imagined.

"I-I do." He didn't know what he was saying until he heard the words coming out of his mouth, in a dazed voice that didn't seem like his. Jaebum looked aroused and pleased by his sultry tone, almost a whimper. Jackson flushed hotly, shocked by his own brazenness. He had never confessed his elephant-sized crush to Jaebum, but apparently it was more than obvious.

Jinyoung and Mark were watching their conversation silently, looking darkly amused.

 

"Good," Jaebum murmured, almost purring in approval. Jackson felt his crotch tighten, a familiar heat pooling as Jaebum ran his eyes lustfully down the length of Jackson's body from his head to his toes. The want in his gaze was unmistakable.

But the person who stood up, chair legs squeaking, was Mark.

"Get on your knees." He repeated Jaebum's order tonelessly, looking at Jackson, but his voice was surprisingly gentle.

Jackson felt himself sinking down, his knees bending and landing on the cool tile floor as if in a trance.

Mark's hand cupped the back of his head, carding through his hair. "Good boy."

He moved forward, unzipping his uniform pants. Slowly, Mark guided Jackson's head forward till his lips were touching the tent of Mark's crotch through his cotton underwear, a damp spot of precome growing. He heard Mark's soft intake of breath as he clumsily mouthed Mark's cock through the fabric, feeling it harden.

But what made Jackson's own crotch grow increasingly hard, till it felt like a rock, was the sensation of Jaebum's eyes on him, following his every move with silent but hawklike intensity. Mark's cock was dizzyingly hard by now -- it was his first time touching or even looking at another boy's dick in real life, though he had watched his fair share of softcore and hardcore porn -- and he heard his shallow, ragged breaths above him, hands shaking in his haste to lower his briefs; but all Jackson could focus on was the more distant but so much more crystalline labouring of Jaebum's measured breaths, the little hitching sound in his throat when Mark grabbed Jackson's hair with less gentleness than before and thrust deep into his mouth.

For a moment, Jackson choked on the blunt head of Mark's cock smothering his throat, but then Mark withdrew a little and he managed to catch his breath. Mark tasted bitter and foreign but not unpleasant, and he found himself improvising on the spot, calculating how to swirl his tongue and sheathe his teeth over Mark's length to make his fingers tighten in Jackson's hair and his breaths grow louder and more audible, his thrusts quickening.

Mark was holding his head almost immobile, but Jackson managed to move his eyes slightly towards Jaebum, still sitting behind the teacher's desk. His heart skipped a beat of disbelief to see that Jaebum's left hand had disappeared beneath the desk, and the flawless skin of his cheekbones was flushed blotchily in a way Jackson had never seen, beads of sweat gathering on his temples. His mouth was slightly parted, eyes glazed over and unfocused but still unblinkingly trained on Jackson's mouth taking Mark's dick all the way in.

Holy fuck... was Jaebum jerking off to him sucking Mark?

Their eyes met, and a low, uncontrolled groan escaped from Jaebum's lips.

It went straight to Jackson's groin. Fireworks exploding in his mind and his own hand itching to reach down into his pants, he redoubled his efforts to bring Mark to orgasm. He grabbed Mark's hips, hands moving slowly over his pelvis to circle the base of his cock with his fingers, closing over the remaining length he couldn't take into his mouth. That seemed to be what sent Mark spiraling over the edge, an anguished moan muffled with one of his hands as his other held Jackson still, making two last deep thrusts into the back of Jackson's throat before coming hotly.

 

The classroom plunged into a thick silence after the last squelching sounds quieted and Mark's hips finally stuttered and stilled, his cock going limp in Jackson's mouth. He pulled out, swaying on his knees a bit, and Jinyoung reached out to steady him with a firm hand on the small of his back but Jackson noticed his own legs were strategically crossed under the table, other hand folded discreetly over his own crotch.

But he didn't care whether he had excited Jinyoung. What he cared more, much more about was whether he had managed to bring Jaebum to orgasm, just by blowing Mark.

But when he swivelled his gaze to Jaebum again, still on his knees, he was sorely disappointed to find Jaebum's expression back to its usual inscrutable and unreadable one that made Jackson so crazy. Jaebum was so mysterious, so deep. Jackson wanted to know every single thought he was thinking.

Jaebum was still looking at him, eyes soft and amazed.

"Swallow it," Jackson heard him say distantly. He was still reeling from the first blowjob he had ever given another guy. It was definitely not what he had expected upon entering this classroom.

He gulped, feeling a trickle of Mark's come flow down his loosened throat. Jaebum watched him expectantly.

Jackson took a deep breath, and swallowed. He could've sworn a shudder shook Jaebum's shoulders the slightest bit, his face paling as his eyes hungrily followed Jackson's Adam's apple bob as Mark's load went down his throat.

 

Mark was zipping himself up in a businesslike way, as if he got blowjobs from random freshman on a daily basis. Jinyoung was watching Jackson like a cat would a mouse and Jackson was slightly afraid Jaebum would order him to service Jinyoung next.

But then the bell rang overhead, startling all of them, and Jaebum's gaze returned to him, now distant and unfathomable again.

"Will you be back again tomorrow?" he asked, voice soft, and Jackson was embarrassed at the audible enthusiasm in his own voice as he blurted out, "Yes!"

 

He spent the rest of the day at school in a daze, mind wandering and racing through various thoughts, all of Jaebum.

It was apparent that Jaebum had some... kinks he hadn't known of, to say the least. Jackson guessed from his reactions and instructions that he didn't actually want Jackson to give him a blowjob, but he indubitably got pleasure from watching Jackson give another guy one. Enough pleasure to bring him to orgasm.

Was this a voyeurism kink, or something else?

And more importantly... did this mean Jaebum liked him too?

 

He astounded even himself with how much he realised he didn't mind. He had been aware of his longtime crush on Jaebum, but he hadn't realised how deep it was. He hadn't realised he actually liked Jaebum enough to want to give him pleasure in any way he wanted, any way it asked, even if it meant blowing someone he didn't know, had just met a few minutes ago.

Of course, it helped that Mark and Jinyoung were pretty easy on the eyes themselves, and Mark had been gentle with him. He realised like a bolt of lightning that as long as they asked his permission first, he was open to experimenting with polyamory or multiple partners. If it pleased Jaebum.

His heart ached suddenly when he briefly wondered if there was a reason why Jaebum didn't personally have oral sex with him, and if it was because he didn't want or couldn't bear to be touched for some reason -- but he decided not to assume anything before he knew the truth. It was possible Jaebum just enjoyed reaching arousal and climax this way, for no particular reason.

 

The next morning, he raced down the corridors the moment the bell pealed, almost tripping over his own feet in his haste. He didn't want to waste a single minute. He was dimly aware of how desperate he appeared, felt, but couldn't bring himself to care.

He felt better and less embarrassed when he arrived and the three of them were already there, though he vaguely wondered if they had skipped the previous class. They looked remarkably like a trio of delinquents, Mark perching on the teacher's desk and laughing at something Jinyoung was saying as Jaebum watched the both of them with obvious warmth.

A thought stopped Jackson in his tracks. What if the person Jaebum enjoyed watching in the blowjob hadn't been Jackson -- but Mark?

He had felt, seen with his own eyes Jaebum's eyes fixated on him piercingly for the entire duration, but it could have been a trick of his lovelorn mind. He felt a pang of startling jealousy as he resentfully eyed Mark from outside the door.

But then --

"Jackson?" Jaebum's voice rang out, startling him out of his reverie, and he turned the usual shade of beetroot he sported most of the time around Jaebum, face literally lighting up like a glowing bulb at Jaebum's attention. He must think Jackson had a perpetual sunburn or something.

He tripped in, feeling as antsy as the previous day but Jinyoung's friendly smile relaxed him a little. Mark was running intimate eyes over him, and shooting him a faint sexy bedroom smirk as if he had some kind of claim over Jackson just because they had had oral sex the day before. No offense meant, but Jackson hoped Mark hadn't developed feelings for him because he wouldn't be able to return them.

Jaebum didn't seem to notice or mind Mark's checking him out. He just mildly said, "Close the door."

Jackson obeyed and wondered what this meant.

 

The classroom was shrouded in shadows as usual, slats of the windows half-open to let in the late morning breeze but lights turned off. One of the ceiling fans was spinning at the lowest speed, blades leisurely turning and moving the air gently.

His earlier suspicions were reassured a little, at least, when this time Jaebum told him with his usual blaseness to suck Jinyoung off. Jinyoung's eyes gleamed as Jackson turned towards him, swallowing.

He swung his legs off the table and reached down to unbutton his pants, then lowered his zipper. He stood up and Jackson prepared to sink onto his knees like the previous day, but then Jaebum said:

"Wait."

His voice was low but authoritative, and Jinyoung obediently paused too. He seemed not to mind waiting as he kept his eyes patiently on Jackson. His smile widened as Jaebum ordered Jackson without ceremony:

"Take off your shirt."

"W-what?" Jackson hesitated, not because he didn't want to but because he felt suddenly shy at Jaebum asking him to strip.

But then Jaebum continued in his silken voice, "I want to see you," and Jackson complied with such haste, he almost gave himself whiplash.

Jinyoung and Mark regarded him with frank appreciation when he had unbuttoned and flung his uniform shirt aside on one of the tables. He felt bashful, being silently devoured by the three of their eyes, but found that he was almost oblivious to the sensation of the other two's as his skin tingled deliciously under Jaebum's intent gaze.

Jaebum's voice was hoarser when he spoke again.

"As expected, your body is perfect." His voice was quietly and proprietarily proud, as if he knew that Jackson's body responded only to him.

The words sent chills of pleasure down Jackson's spine. Could this possibly mean... that Jaebum had been watching Jackson.... for even half as long as Jackson had been watching him?

Jaebum stretched his hand out with the same unassuming easiness and caressed Jackson's right bicep absently, fingers running lingeringly over the smooth contours and tightening over the involuntarily flex of tension.

This one touch alone, accompanied by Jaebum's faint sounds of pleasure as Jackson sucked Jinyoung off earnestly and slightly more erotically than the previous day, were enough to carry him all the way towards Jinyoung's shuddering climax.

 

When he left the classroom, he had to sprint breathlessly to the nearest boys' toilet because his own dick was stiff in an unabating and painful erection and he could feel an increasing amount of sticky precome dampening his underwear dangerously.

 

They fell into an unspoken but never-reneged-on arrangement after that, the four of them gathering without fail every recess in the empty and darkened classroom to engage in their sordid and most certainly scandalously illegal activities. If they were caught, the four of them would probably be expelled immediately, and the punishment would come down harder on Jaebum, Mark and Jinyoung, but this only seemed to make the thrill more tantalizing. Truly, forbidden fruit was the sweetest.

One morning, Jackson felt slightly anticlimactic to rush to the classroom again to find the door ajar and only Jinyoung inside.

"Don't worry, they'll be here in a few minutes," he smiled reassuringly at Jackson, as if reading his thoughts, and Jackson blushed. Was this attachment of his to all three of them, this hyung worship of sorts, which had grown steadily as time passed, so obvious?

It was difficult not to break the ice, the steamy sessions they had been engaging in since the first day they met. While normal people exchanged names and introductions, they had skipped straight to exchanging bodily fluids. So it was no wonder Jackson felt more intimate than was probably appropriate to the three upperclassmen, including Jaebum, for the brief span of time they had known each other.

 

"Tell me," Jinyoung surprised him by leaning over from his chair as Jackson settled down beside him to wait, "Do you feel like you're being manipulated?"

"What?" Jackson blinked, lost for a moment. Jinyoung's voice was so mellifluous that it made everything he said sound gentle and calm.

"By us," Jinyoung clarified. "I mean, our arrangement isn't exactly... conventional." He raised an ironic eyebrow.

Jackson gawked at him for a moment, considering the question seriously, before answering decisively, "No."

Jinyoung looked relieved in a way that made his heart warm. He hadn't known Jinyoung had developed any personal feelings for him, beyond that of sex buddies.

"I mean," Jackson elaborated airily, trying to affect a sophistication as natural as Jinyoung's, "I like Jaebum _sunbae_. And I want to make him happy."

" -- I would do anything to make him happy," he corrected.

And, he wanted to add but didn't, he didn't mind very much giving Mark and Jinyoung blowjobs, as long as they were platonic. He even enjoyed them, especially when it gave Jaebum pleasure and that in turn aroused him. He didn't know if this made him a messed-up person, to be cool about fellating his friends; or if others would see it as Jaebum corrupting him, but he didn't really care.

Jinyoung was gazing at him with his head tilted thoughtfully like Jackson had said something that surprised him.

"Wow," he said finally, with no hint of dryness. He shook his head. "Jaebum's one lucky guy." For some reason he looked wistful.

But Jackson had no time to ask why because just then the door creaked open and Mark and Jaebum slipped in together. They looked breathless, as if they had hurried there as fast as they could because they missed Jackson too. Jackson's heart skipped a beat, although in a drastically different way for Jaebum and Mark.

 

He had come to slowly realise that once he had felt it for the first time, there was no other feeling in the world that could possibly replace, or even come close to what he felt when he managed to make Jaebum come by his own hand, even without touching him. When Jaebum erupted into orgasm that shook him and made his usually clamped shut lips release an involuntary moan, it felt like flying. Just the look on Jaebum's face, worshipful and unguarded, was enough to get him off too, shatter without being touched by anyone. It made him feel sensational, powerful. Invincible.

 

Mark and Jinyoung usually seemed content to heed Jaebum's instructions without protest, like Jackson. He had taken turns to give them each blowjobs from that day on, polishing and honing his skill. But deep inside, no matter how much he told himself to be content with the present and not to hope for more, he still wished that one day Jaebum would allow Jackson to touch him. Sucking Mark and Jinyoung off was satisfying enough to his libido, but obviously no replacement for Jackson's raw lust for Jaebum, which was so strong it was almost a physical ache. There was no comparison.

But today, besides the flush of his face from the lateness, Mark's eyes seemed slightly different, glowing with a glitter more dangerous than usual.

"Why not we try something different?" he interjected as Jackson was starting to go down on his knees before him again, hands automatically reaching out to help Mark unzip his pants.

They both looked towards Jaebum, who looked slightly thrown for an instant at Mark's deviation from the routine, a little flustered. But he quickly regained his composure, voice as unflappably calm as always and almost bored as he replied gamely: "Sure, what?"

Mark grinned, flashing his shark teeth. "I'll suck Jackson off instead. Poor kid's been doing all the work, he deserves a reward, eh?" He chucked Jackson under the chin.

It might have been a trick of his eyes, but Jackson thought he saw Jaebum's eyes freeze over for a nanosecond.

Probably a trick, he decided dazedly as Mark crouched before him in one smooth, agile motion and took Jackson's zipper between his perfect teeth.

Jackson moaned instinctively at the contact and heat of Mark's breath and mouth against his sensitive dick. He hadn't imagined ever receiving a blowjob from anyone other than Jaebum, but maybe if it was Mark, he wouldn't mind...

His eyes flickered wildly around from beneath hooded lids, hands going down to tangle in Mark's soft hair.

"Ahh..." A careless groan slipped from his mouth as Mark latched his plump pink lips onto Jackson's cock and sucked it slowly into his mouth, inch by inch. Jackson looked down and his thighs trembled at Mark's cheeks flushed with pleasure, filled up with Jackson's dick, slick and eager as he worked himself up and down on Jackson's now rigid dick.

Jackson clamped a panicked hand over his mouth, muffling his pants and moans. Mark _had_ to have some experience to be this skilled. No one was born this good at sucking cock, he could attest to that personally.

 

Mark kept his hands anchored steadily around Jackson's hipbones as he sucked him all the way to completion, teasing his tongue over the throbbing veins running over Jackson's cock and pressing it against the slit to lap up every drop of precome as soon as it pearled. It was enough to drive one crazy.

But he wasn't Jaebum.

Jackson came with Jaebum's name on his lips, hot and breathless, and Mark swallowed it all like a pro, even licking his lips smugly. Thankfully he didn't let go of Jackson immediately because he practically melted into a puddle of satiated and boneless mush the moment he came, and teetered alarmingly on his numb legs.

He slumped against Mark, who caught him easily with an arm wrapped around his shoulders. Mark's chest was surprisingly firm, muscles defined through his flimsy shirt.

"Was it that good?" he teased Jackson, ruffling his hair, but he sounded pleased by the effect of his blowjob.

They were so distracted by the post-blow awkwardness that they didn't notice till after a few seconds that the other two were uncharacteristically quiet. Normally both of them would be getting into it, Jinyoung slightly less vocal than Jaebum but only because he was more cautious and deliberately kept himself in check. Jinyoung was the most unreadable person next to Jaebum Jackson had ever met.

His breath catching in his throat, Jackson swung his gaze to Jaebum. His face was the usual frustrating blank it always was, and in his peripheral vision he registered Jinyoung's lips pinched in a thin white line.

Neither of them were jerking off, or seemed to have done so.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked, sounding just as bewildered as he felt by the sudden tension in the air. "You guys didn't like the show?"

No one responded.

Mark laughed breezily and took his hands off Jackson's body. "I guess they like to watch you blowing me more." He raised his shoulders in a helpless shrug towards Jackson.

 

Jackson didn't really care why Jinyoung actually looked kind of pissed for the first time since they had met. His gaze was drawn helplessly back to Jaebum, whose expression still looked carved out of stone. But it was obvious he hadn't enjoyed it as much as prior days.

A spike of panic stabbed Jackson. Was Jaebum cooling off him, or losing interest? Or was it as Mark said, that it wasn't as enjoyable watching him being the one sucked off? Perhaps the routine of the arrangement had some significance to both of them he didn't know yet, that made them unable to gain pleasure from it if the roles were switched.

 

He didn't know it yet then, but that was just the start of a tumultous and bewildering phase.

The next day, Jackson prepared himself to return to their old routine, but Jinyoung surprised him by aggressively seizing his hips and grinding his face into Jackson's crotch, making a shameless sound which instantly turned him on.

He couldn't resist grabbing hold of Jinyoung's hair and fucking his mouth as Jinyoung moaned like an animal in heat, careless of being heard. His skill at giving blowjobs was almost as formidable as Mark's. Maybe they had learnt from the same teacher. Or each other.

But this time, Mark was the one who looked like his fingernails were being pulled out as he sat like a statue in his chair with his legs crossed and arms folded, no hint of his easy laidback grin. He got up and slammed out of the classroom before Jinyoung and Jackson even finished, without bothering to throw back a polite excuse.

Jaebum stayed, remaining motionless behind the teacher's desk, but he didn't utter a word as before. Jackson tried to sneak a glance at him but the flatness in Jaebum's eyes was so intimidating it looked like it could level mountains. Jinyoung seemed to lose steam after Mark left, and Jackson felt his erection wilting a little at Mark's obvious annoyance too, but they both gave valiant efforts to finishing it off. Not that Jaebum, the only spectator, looked like he had gained any pleasure from the view either when Jackson slid his cock out of Jinyoung's mouth and Jinyoung swallowed, wiping his lips miserably.

 

None of them said anything, though, and dispersed as usual once the bell rang.

As Jackson trudged back to his class, his lower body felt blissful and numb with that wonderful post-orgasm sensation, but his chest somehow felt empty.

 

He was determined to return to the original arrangement the next day, not sure where the source of sudden tension emerged from, and sucked Mark off with a feeling of relief as Jaebum and Jinyoung seemed to defrost too, joining in as enthusiastically as usual.

But occasionally, he didn't know why Mark and Jinyoung sometimes fought over blowing him, and the person who didn't get to would sit there sullen-faced and sour and blatantly unaroused.

He briefly entertained the notion that both of them had fallen for him and were battling over him in a love triangle, but dismissed it as unlikely. It made him feel hollow inside, but he had a feeling none of the three upperclassmen were interested in him romantically at all.

 

So the tension between the four of them continued building, but strangely even as it did they only seemed to get more entangled with each other, their need growing. They were addicted to each other, to their daily meetings and the unspeakable things they did, this filthy and sacrilegious secret between the four of them that would shock the world if ever uncovered.

None of them voiced the suggestion to stop, no matter how awkward it got. So they kept going.

 

Until the day Mark casually asked Jackon if he could fuck him.

" _What?_ " Jackson squeaked, jumping out of his skin. It wasn't everyday that he got propositioned by his friends, much less one of his most well-liked sunbaes.

Mark raised his shoulders lazily in his trademark shrug. "I've been thinking about it for a while."

"You've been thinking about fucking Jackson," Jinyoung stated flatly from his seat, and when Jackson looked over he gulped because Jinyoung's face was literally white with anger.

"Why not?" Mark mused. "I mean, only if he wants it too, obviously. We've been doing vanilla stuff for so long, it's getting boring."

Jackson opened his mouth lamely, trying to interject and waylay the visible daggers shooting from Jinyoung's eyes at Mark, when Jaebum slammed his fist on the teacher's desk, making them all jump.

 

The three of them were wide-eyed, Jackson most of all, as for the first time Jaebum stood up from his place behind the teacher's desk and walked out from behind it. His long legs ate up the ground as he took large strides towards Mark.

"How dare you," he gritted out, hauling Mark out of his chair and to his feet in one smooth move, grabbing a rough fistful of his shirt. "How dare you even think of touching... That ass is mine."

Mark was a whole shade paler, eyes flashing back in defiance at Jaebum's manhandling but Jaebum didn't let go of his white-knuckled grip of Mark's shirt, their eyes locked furiously together in silent combat till Mark lowered his in defeat.

Mark shoved Jaebum off, straightening his shirt aggressively and muttering a few expletives under his breath, and Jaebum turned on Jackson, eyes blazing.

Jackson cowered, taking a step back. Jaebum took a bigger one forward, and then he was in all of Jackson's personal space as he placed his hand on the very ass they were fighting over and covered Jackson's lips with his own.

 

The kiss was bruising, intense, but Jaebum's lips were trembling curiously, as if for the first time he was in unchartered territory. Jackson kissed back with breathless eagerness, hands closing into fists in the front of Jaebum's shirt as if he was afraid Jaebum would slip away. He hadn't realised how desperately he had longed to see Jaebum lose control -- Jaebum who was always so in command of his emotions.

Beneath his hands, Jaebum's upper arms were pure muscle. Jackson was impressed but unsurprised; he had always been more solidly built than Jackson even though Jackson was bulkier. The scorching heat and electricity that crackled between every inch of their touching skin was so astonishing and breathtaking that it was only then that Jackson realised this was the first time they were actually touching, after all these months.

And he had been right. Compared to Jaebum, touching and having sex with Mark and Jinyoung -- it was incomparable.

 

Uncontrollably, Jackson let a blissful and heated moan slip, and felt Jaebum tense against him. He detached himself with an effort, and looked over at Mark and Jinyoung warily, arms tightening protectively around Jackson's body as if he was still afraid either of them would be attracted by Jackson or steal him away. He was looking down at Jackson as if he was the single most erotic and desirable thing in the world.

But they were both relieved and amused to see that Jinyoung had Mark on his knees, begging for his dick with the tables turned miraculously. Soon enough, Mark was performing an enthusiastic and very entertaining fellatio on Jinyoung. It was hot enough to make Jackson's dick respond, and Jaebum looked down pointedly at his crotch as it rubbed against Jaebum's thigh and Jackson whimpered softly.

There was a shadow of something in his eyes, passing fleetingly, that made Jackson wonder if Jaebum himself felt that he had ruined Jackson, and was apologetic for it.

But Jackson figured that hell, it was scarcely any difference being turned on by his friends making out and watching adult videos of strangers. After all, they had gained enough pleasure at his expense in the last few months. He didn't see any harm in him enjoying the sight of one hot guy blowing another.

 

But he didn't get to finish the show, because Jaebum managed to draw his attention away with just one single line:

"I have something to tell you."

With equal parts trepidation and anticipation, Jackson followed Jaebum with a pounding heart as they snuck out of the classroom, leaving the two other boys unaware and immersed in each other. Jackson didn't even care about the spectacular show he was missing. Jaebum was that important: he was worth missing any show for; he was the sole reason why Jackson was even here in the first place.

He thought about the words that had been bubbling on his tongue ever since the first day he saw Jaebum at archery club, in the first week of freshman year. Unlike his tender yet somber expression now, then, Jaebum had been smiling.

He had just hit bull's eye with his arrow, his form graceful and stunning. Everyone was cheering with respect and admiration, and the grin of unfiltered glee made something in Jackson's heart loosen, and start falling.

 

Jackson stopped in the middle of the hallway Jaebum was dragging him impatiently down, their entwined hands making Jaebum stumble to a halt too. But he didn't let go of Jackson's hand.

"What is it, Jackson-ah?" He peered into Jackson's face, and Jackson thought he saw something like concern. He liked to flatter himself into thinking that after daily interaction for months, he was learning to read Jaebum's miniscule shifts of expression a little better.

" _Sunbae_ , I..." Jackson swallowed, then took a deep breath and said with raw honesty, "I like you. I want to make you smile."

 

The surprise on Jaebum's face was the second most beautiful thing Jackson had ever seen, next to his carefree smile.

"Jackson..." Jaebum said, voice sounding thicker when he spoke again. His eyes were an entrancing dark, like vortexes or whirlpools. He took a breath too, as if Jackson made him just as nervous as he made Jackson.

"I'm not good at this... relationships thing," Jaebum said with a wry, self-deprecating smile. He looked at his shoes as Jackson felt his stomach plunge down to his own.

"But..." Jaebum looked up, and his eyes were shy, hopeful. Warm.

"You make me want to try. You make me... _want_."

 

The end-of-recess bell rang just as Jaebum touched chaste lips to Jackson's, the kiss this time the slightest, most hesitant pressure.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Jackson gasped in delight as they broke apart with racing hearts.

Jaebum smiled, looking pleased. He really did have a smile that could end cities. "Yes... But without Mark and Jinyoung."

"Alone," Jaebum bent to whisper beside his ear, and Jackson was going crazy but it sounded exactly like a promise.

 

**11:00**

He had stumbled upon the channel quite accidentally, while channel-surfing cable TV. It was an overseas one, in a foreign language. At first he thought it was Chinese, but after watching a few minutes more he realised it was a similar-sounding dialect -- Cantonese.

He didn't know why he continued watching the drama. As expected, eleven in the morning was no primetime TV spot and the dramas that aired at that time were usually reruns or serials targeted at housewives who were the only people at home at that hour.

Sure enough, the drama was cheesy and boring, but he didn't know why one of the supporting actors who had a minor role in the cast caught his eye. The boy only appeared for a few minutes and had two measly lines, but something about his acting caught Jaebum's attention and held it. He was young, about the same age as Jaebum, but had an unmistakable screen presence that outshone everyone in the scene.

He was photogenic and cute, obviously for a child actor. But most striking of all, there was something about his eyes -- a mischievous sparkle and fire in them that made Jaebum think he had a great passion for life and having fun.

It was unforgettable.

 

Although he had only chanced upon the drama on that day as he had stayed home from school with a flu, the next day, he asked his mother to record it for him and blushed in embarrassment when his mother teased him about having an _ahjumma_ 's taste in dramas.

He watched the whole episode while eating his after-school snack when he arrived home, even though the boy only appeared for a few minutes again. He was curious about the plot of the drama, the role he was playing.

Gradually, he found himself getting absorbed in the trite and cliche drama, even getting hooked to it and gluing himself to the TV the moment he got home from school every day.

 

He became a sort of casual fan of the child actor, finding out the requisite information about him from his profile on DramaWiki, and faithfully followed his new projects. He was delighted to see him acting more and more constantly as time went on, seeming to score meatier and more important roles as he established his image and acting skills.

That channel which he had never visited in his life and randomly stumbled across -- TVB -- became his favourite, and he naturally picked up some basic Cantonese phrases from listening to the language so often.

He watched with a mixture of amazement and pride as the boy -- Jackson Wang -- grew into an adolescent alongside him, then a teenager. However, Jaebum occasionally thought with just a little resentment that puberty had been a lot kinder to Jackson than him.

In high school, he spent most of his 11AM science periods with his tablet PC hidden behind his textbook, volume on mute as he streamed dramas live the moment they were released, too impatient to wait to get home and watch the recording.

Jackson had long progressed and moved on from the 11AM low-rating and budget dramas, but sometimes he still appeared for cameos. He was the go-to teen actor for almost every TVB drama, able to portray a wide variety of roles, as versatile as a chameleon. In one, he was a bespectacled, nerdy loner with greasy and lank hair who listened to heavy metal all day and painted his nails black, while in another he was a bright sunny poster boy, the overachieving perfect athlete sun. He could assume roles in period and historical dramas as well as contemporary romantic comedies just as competently.

 

All his performances were masterful inspirations, and his screen presence was still as hypnotic and charismatic as ever. Even more.

He was acting among the big-names, established stars like Bobby Auyeung and Raymond Lam and Myolie Wu. He had made it, and the sensation, the knowledge that Jaebum had been watching him from the start, loyally following his path from the very beginning when he was anonymous and unknown was indescribable. It was a kind of reluctant pride, a feeling of conviction and satisfied vindication. Jaebum had always known Jackson would make it big, never doubted that it was only a matter of time. And Jackson hadn't disappointed him.

 

He made the radical decision to apply to a university in Hong Kong after graduating, even though his results were so good he could have gotten into any number of prestigious ones he wanted from Harvard to Yale to Princeton. Through Jackson, he had unwittingly fallen in love with the culture of Hong Kong, the language and the country and the customs.

It definitely wasn't because he wanted to breathe the same air as Jackson, after so many years of watching him from afar. After all, Jackson had gone international some time ago, branching out to China and Japan and Taiwan and even Korea. He had released a few successful albums so far and had embarked on his first tour of Asia to meet his fans.

Of course, Jaebum had been one of them.

 

He can't believe it's been ten years since the day he was nine and thoughtlessly flickered to the channel airing the drama Jackson was acting in, and proceeded to tumble head over heels into love with him. it's been such a long and unimaginable journey to here and now, but every bit was rewarding.

 

He wonders if his life would have turned out differently had he not spent it as a fan of Jackson.

Certainly, he decides. He can't imagine how much less bright and exciting it would have been.

 

He thumbs through all the old videotapes of the very first 11AM drama his mother had taped for him, faithfully every day up till high school, when she started using CDs. The equipment to play the videotapes is already obsolete by now, but he still cherishes them, refusing to throw them away.

He packs all the bulky and dusty tapes into a cardboard box, and seals it to bring along with him to Hong Kong.

Maybe he will show Jackson this box of dusty memories one day, he thinks, if he is lucky enough to meet him.

Not because he wants to attract his attention, or touch his heart. Well, those too, a bit. But mostly because Jaebum wants Jackson to know what an invaluable and irreplaceable human being he is, and how he has been inspiring people from around the world since before he was even old enough to understand.

 

In the meantime, Jaebum thinks with a contented smile and blissful sigh, settling back into his nest of covers to watch the upcoming drama serial where Jackson is playing a student going off to college too, like Jaebum himself --

In the meantime, he will just be here, doing what he has always done: quietly and faithfully watching all of Jackson's dramas, and loving him just a little more with every one.

 

**12:00**

It was the hottest time on the hottest day of the hottest season of the year, and Jackson and Jaebum were on a double date with their respective girlfriends at an open-air cafe. The flies were buzzing restlessly in the heat, circling their plates of half-eaten watermelon and glasses of barley tea outside, their girlfriends probably getting impatient waiting for them and wondering what was taking them so long, but both of them were lingering in the grimy and cramped male toilet, slowly washing their hands.

Out of nowhere, Jackson said, casually: "Jinyoung's cheating on me."

Jaebum's eyes flicked sharply to his in the mirror. Jackson didn't look different than normal, his nonchalant poker face unruffled as he carefully dried his hands with a paper towel. Jaebum's brow creased as he studied him and took in the news.

Instead of asking _Why are you telling me this?_ or _What business is your girlfriend of mine?_ what came out of his mouth is:

"Why are you still here then?"

 

There was a loaded pause, suspended in the stifling summer heat, before Jackson finally turned to face Jaebum, leveling his eyes at him. Jackson's eyes were inscrutable as he said, voice low:

"I don't know."

But he took a step towards Jaebum, eyes never leaving him, seeming to be studying him closely.

Jaebum didn't know why he said what he did next.

"Yi-en and I decided to take a break a few days ago."

 

This time, the silence between them was absolute, both of the bombshells they just dropped on each other hanging between them like elephants in the room.

Jaebum continued scrutinizing Jackson silently. Honestly, he didn't know him well, because they didn't go to the same school although they were the same age. They only met at the start of the summer when their girlfriends introduced them, because they were best friends. Since then, they had been on a few double dates. But they had never interacted alone before, except when their girlfriends left to touch up their makeup in the bathroom together.

 

"Why are you here then?"

Jackson shot his earlier question back at him now, throwing Jaebum for a loop because he honestly didn't know how to answer. But Yi-en had pleaded with him to come along, explaining that she didn't want to let Jinyoung know they had broken up when the summer was coming to an end and the news would most certainly spoil Jinyoung's -- who was a very sensitive and caring friend -- summer. And it had been such a perfect one, despite how their relationship turned out. It was an amicable separation too, and they had decided to remain (slightly awkward) friends.

After the summer, Yi-en had promised. After the summer, she would tell Jinyoung everything and they didn't need to hang out together anymore. He wouldn't have any occasion to see Jackson again either, Jaebum idly realised, since they would be going off to colleges in different towns.

And because Yi-en's eyes had been so prettily red-rimmed, her puppylike pout still as cute as ever, he had relented and came along.

 

Now, he found himself more than a little surprised at Jackson's revelation, because he hadn't sensed any tension between him and Jinyoung. They seemed to be their usual bantering, squabbling, touchy and affectionate selves, flirting shamelessly with each other across the table and in front of their friends in a way he had gotten used to by now.

He wondered if Yi-en knew, then felt a curious spike of anger at the thought that she had helped Jinyoung hide a secret which would hurt Jackson.

Then he blinked in confusion, not understanding why he was getting upset on behalf of Jackson. He didn't even know the guy's last name, for heaven's sake. They weren't friends.

 

But now, they found themselves at a stalemate of sorts, unable to answer each other's decidedly friendlike questions.

Had Jackson turned up at his girlfriend's bequest too, keeping the peace till the end of this dreamy summer, like him?

Or was it something else?

Something like...

 

The heat was melting his brain, addling his mind and clouding his senses as Jackson closed the remaining distance between them with a couple more strides and then his hands were sliding up lightly from Jaebum's hips to below his arms, and Jaebum was being lifted off his feet to sit on the sink with surprisingly strong and steady arms.

He could feel Jackson's biceps beneath his hands which had instinctively moved down to clutch at them, feeling like trunks of solid muscle. They rippled beneath his touch and Jackson crowded closer, between his legs.

It was hard to breathe, his breaths shallow in his lungs and sunbeams blurring his vision as a shudder ran through him and he backed away in confusion, shrunk against the mirror. The cold and hard metal faucet dug with sobering pain into his back.

"What --" his voice sounded hoarse, squeaky, afraid, "What are you doing?" His hands were still on Jackson's arms, holding him at arm's length by sheer brute force. Through the threadbare fabric of his t-shirt, the temperature of Jackson's skin was searing.

Jackson held him still, firmly but gently. He seemed determined to say something.

"Jaebum," he whispered, saying Jaebum's name for the first time since they met.

Jaebum looked at him, face burning.

"Can I kiss you?" Jackson asked softly.

 

He wasn't aware he nodded, but he must have, because the next minute Jackson was surging forward breathlessly and their lips were colliding, like worlds Jaebum thought abstractly, or universes on their axises.

Jackson's lips were far softer than he had imagined a boy's would be. Not that he had ever imagined kissing any boy in his life. Least of all Jackson.

But here he was, not pushing him away, enjoying it even -- the hesitant and nervous, almost tender probing of Jackson's chapped but moist and plump lips against his, a chaste and light kiss deepening.

When Jaebum parted his lips slightly, Jackson let out a garbled moan and eagerly slipped his tongue into Jaebum's mouth. His hands came up to cup Jaebum's cheeks when the tips of their tongues brushed, and Jaebum could feel his pulse quickening dizzily against his skin.

 

The faucet was still pressing achingly into his spine, and he was far too heavy and big to fit onto the porcelain basin of the rusty and grimy sink, but they continued kissing without surfacing for air for far longer than he had ever kissed anyone.

How could kissing a boy be so mesmerizing, so breathtaking, so addicting?

How could kissing _Jackson_ be?

 

"I don't even know your last name," Jaebum gasped, pulling away with difficulty as Jackson chased his lips with his, already clinging on to him like a koala with an overaffection that reminded him unsettlingly of his manner with Jinyoung.

Then swiftly, before Jackson even had the chance to suck in a breath of oxygen and reply: "Am I a rebound?"

Jackson inhaled sharply and deeply, then looked offended as he retorted, "Hell no, I wanted to kiss you since the first day we met," and then in a softened voice: "It's Wang."

Jaebum blushed at the lazy crooked smile on Jackson's alarmingly handsome face and the way he silently but admiringly ran his eyes down the line of Jaebum's body, hands tightening around his shoulders.

"What about yours?" Jackson gazed searchingly into his eyes, as though he wanted to know everything about Jaebum.

"I-It's Im," Jaebum stuttered nervously, still distracted by Jackson's previous statement. He had had his eye on Jaebum from their first meeting? In some ways, this explained the strange tension he had felt between them, crackling across the table as Jackson's eyes locked with his his over their glasses of tea.

So it hadn't been awkward or competitive -- but sexual.

 

"Im Jaebum," Jackson repeated thoughtfully, eyes glassy, and Jaebum felt a tremor ripple through him.

Jackson felt it too, his gaze snapping back to Jaebum's and eyes sharp as his lip slowly curled into a teasing, self-satisfied smirk.

"Does it turn you on?" He leaned forward again, voice low. Their faces were mere inches away, and Jaebum slipped his tongue out anxiously to lick his lips. Jackson followed the movement with his eyes, then slowly looked back up at him.

"You like it when I call your name, Jaebum?" he repeated, voice sensual and husky.

Jaebum swallowed hard, throat working. Jackson's breath ghosted over his lips and then he found himself magnetized forward, fingers coming up to curl in a fistful of Jackson's shirt as he attacked Jackson's lips ravenously again.

They were just as delicious as the first time.

 

When they broke apart to take deep rattling breaths, Jackson cradled the back of his head and whispered in his ear hotly:

"Say my name."

Jaebum's eyes widened, mouth falling open and lips moving wordlessly a few times before he breathed like a prayer, like an incantation:

"Jackson."

There was a soft intake of breath as Jackson's eyes darkened dangerously, pulling him in again.

 

They didn't know how long they kissed, but by the time they managed to stop again Jaebum was shaken to see Jackson's lips looking abused and puffy and swollen, reddened in a way that looked suspiciously just-kissed. His eyes and hair were wild, unfocused with lust and his hand had found its way down Jaebum's torso to squeeze his crotch with a roughness that made his stomach clench with a gathering pool of heat.

His legs were spread wantonly wide around Jackson's powerful thighs and he could feel his cock throbbing so achingly he was sure Jackson could feel it through the thin fabric of both their clothes.

Jackson grabbed his hand and brought it down to press against his own crotch. He recoiled initially, then heard himself panting as he kneaded it eagerly with his fingers, thrilled and giddy at the way it hardened beneath his touch.

Jackson groaned, his voice slurred with panic, "We have to go out. What if they come to look for us?"

 

The thought of the possibility of innocent, sweet Yi-en walking in and finding them in this compromising position wa what finally stopped Jaebum cold. He felt like he could easily stay on this uncomfortable, cold and hard sink for the rest of the day, making out with Jackson till their lips were numb, but they had their responsibilities to their ex-girlfriends.

At least, he hoped Jackson and Jinyoung were over too.

He wondered, heart beating like a hummingbird in his chest as Jackson gallantly helped him down from the sink and steadied him with a discreet arm when his knees wobbled. Jaebum's head felt light as he leaned against Jackson's thick torso and his broad chest, firm as a barrel. He was taller than Jackson, but Jackson felt so much bigger and stronger than him in every other way.

 

They held hands for a few, heart-stopping seconds, but let go of each other's fingers reluctantly when they exited the toilet into the light of day. The dazzling late afternoon sunlight blinded him for an instant and he squinted, shading his eyes.

Their plates of watermelon and drinks were still on the table, but Yi-en and Jinyoung were nowhere to be seen. Jaebum's heart stuttered in alarm.

 

Jackson looked pale beneath his beach tan too, strands of his floppy, too-long bleach blond hair catching the sun in shimmering gold highlights as he bent to pick up something he noticed lying on the table. Jaebum's heart caught, distracted. How had he never noticed that Jackson was beautiful?

"Jaebum." Jackson's voice was strangely flat. He was holding out a small piece of creased notebook paper. "You better see this."

The note was brief, merely reading:

_Jackson oppa, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you face-to-face but I didn't have the courage. The truth is, I've fallen for someone else._

_I've fallen in love with Yi-en._

_I'm sorry. I still care for you and hope we can be friends._

_Love, Jinyoung_.

 

Jaebum's heart skipped a beat when he saw Yi-en's unmistakable graceful and girlish signature below Jinyoung's name. She hadn't written anything, not surprising for her characteristic reserve, but he could almost hear her mellow, fluting voice murmuring regretfully, _I'm sorry, Jaebum oppa_.

He looked up to see Jackson staring at him speechlessly, stunned. He stared back, unsure of what to say. The news had hit both of them like a truck.

But then Jaebum's heart jumped into his throat to see a glimmer of light creeping into Jackson's eyes, lightening the dark shadow of guilt that had made them heavy and serious from the time they started kissing.

Jackson reached down quietly, and threaded their fingers together. His hand was large and callused, enveloping Jaebum's in comfortable warmth.

"Jaebum," Jackson said, looking at him meaningfully. His eyes were dancing with mischief but his face was solemn.

"Yes?" Jaebum stammered and blushed, looking down in a fluster.

Jackson laughed, and it was the most lyrical music Jaebum had ever heard in his life.

He felt by now-familiar lips brushing against the shell of his ear, leading his heartbeat into overdrive again. His heart soared as Jackson said, softly but sincerely:

"Im Jaebum, I like you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update: im temporarily discontinuing this fic, or putting it on indefinite hiatus, to focus on my other wips because i simply have too many atm and have more inspiration to work on the others. i might come back to this after i finish them, but even if i don't these 2 chapters can be read without being incomplete since they're comprised of unconnected drabbles :) thank you so much to everyone who subscribed and has been waiting for updates, i hope to be able to finish the rest of the 12 drabbles and write more jackbum soon!


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